"If only I don't bend and break..."

Keane - Bend and Break

it's FRIDAY, FRIDAY.... lol.

sumpah. lagu ya ng....well. haha.

but anyway, yala, it's friday today. even tho xda jwak ku free time weekend pi at least da la masa k bernafas ckit. and k cuddle jwak oh, No? (Nino mdh aok. haha. nyaman na nya jadi face rest time online cmtk. XD)

purin (pudding, in English) di berik Mila, imported khas from Japan dri kakaknya, bruk abis. ku ingat nk mkn ckit2 pi sa nya mun tndh lmk glak lam fridge ya x nyaman glak jadi nya lak. haha. even tho aku basically x mkn purin and x ska anything of green tea, purin green tea tk exception. hehe.

tdk time PQS aku ngan Lun dtg klmj ndah. bukan alang2 klmj mek duak. lagu KRU. haha. mun org dgr ya komfom x cyk; mek duak crushing on Yusry, and the whole Yusry-Erra thing, and such movie as Kuliah Cinta. lol. it seems unbelievable, it seems so long time ago now.

and now kmk duak Nino tgh layan balit Kuliah Cinta. haha.

btw. marek nangis rami2 smpey kembang mata; nangis berjemaah. haha. 5E girls tauk la phl. well. i would like to share something la, on the matter.

1.

our thinking is greatly influenced by our surrounding and upbringing. those are the major influences. that's why, to put ourselves in someone else's shoes is not really an easy thing to do; especially when you're young and happy. i, for one, would not like to blame myself if i am unable to think the way others are thinking. this is the way i am brought up, so this is the way i think. so i, as a person full of normality, tend to choose my friends among those with same way of thinking, thus my circle of friends.and i definitely won't change my way of thinking just to mingle, thank you.

2.

people hurt others even without intending to. somethings things look so trivial that we consider it too little to care. i rarely intend to offend anyone (there are times when i do) but as impulsive as i am, i can only hope that those i offended without any intention do not take it to hearts. they say i am too impressive. oh well. i wonder if there's anything i can do about that.

or i'll just do what eqkha told me. she told me not to change. "be yourself," she said. how i love her. =)

well. i won't change, then. i'll just improve myself. lol.

dh kol 4.30 eh. ku Asr lok la. pstk smbg movie gk. hehe.

p.s. lagu Bend and Break sgt best. for past 2-3 days, lagu ya jak dimain. XDD

"Stand by me; nobody knows what it's gonna be..."

Oasis - Stand By Me

funny i'm putting this as the title. more like, don't stand by me so that nobody will know what it was gonna be. haha. kidding. or not.

so...haha. online on my bro's lappy. sbab apparently gerek ku lom bait. (please la Mr Compaq; what have i done wrong? T___T) so ayah tek soh dani brik pinjam laptop tk kejap sbab "kakak nk molah kerja". haha. ng la. niat nk molah scrapbook for physics ya tek.

pi bak kata Querida ku yg terchenta, "the idea of scrapbooking has not spread in Malaysia" so malas la ku nk molah nya dlok. even tho nya physics. haha,

tgh baca crosstalk antara Ryo ngan Pi. mcm nk nait jak level sugar tk... (sweet! how come they're not gays? haha. not that i want them to be.)

seriously. Pi? Ryo-chan? i want little nicknames like that too! *random* lol.

eh. back to topic. recently ku dh kira x dependent glak ngan gerek ku ya so ku ingat dapat la kiranya bertahan xda nya kejap. well. i think i did well. biasanya mun dh almost a week cmtk ku dh kdk org half-dead dh. haha.

gah. Pi soh Ryo mkn sayo. ku gk ingat time cdak molah tour dlok, Ryo yg bisin "Pi! makan sayo ya jwak, ish!" and Pi was like, "aok, aok...ku makan la tk..." haha.

talking about being half-dead. haha. Ning mentioned in her last post; tdk. well. tdk ya. ntah la. felt like i need a change of air. my seat time ya kdk xda breathing space. tdk Madhi dh offer dh nk swap seats for good. pi ku pdh pa? "aie. boh jak. jaoh dri Mizi." haha.

ah. random thought. i've been with Mr Compaq for almost two years now. and the reason why we almost never got problem with each other - he never makes me feel jealous.

haha. ku knk skizo ka apa tk bh?

esok SPM klua. ku imagine mun ari tk next year. sa nya ku x tdo li. online jak - chat ngan mr doc cnun. nya ska jak molah ku makin cuak. haha. cyes eh. gney ndak ka.

damn. ku dh takut tk. haha.

wah. lappy tk mdh ngan aku, "it's 11 o'clock." nasib nya x mdh "oi. tdo gk." (mun nya mdh gya ku ng berekot masok bilit. sumpah.)

bila nk abis entries lam friend page LJ ku tk bh? dh 110 entries dh ya. haha.

so, dgn ketiadaan gerek ku yg tersayang itu, and ipod pun dh abis battery - officially time malam ng aku xda life. dgn itu, tdo jak la yg paling bgus. may i take that pill for flu? it makes me feel so good pi lun pdh "gya la rasa penagih dadah, tauk x?" yea, i know. haha.

anyway, still fighting for my 'freedom' yg bila diterjemah ke dalam bahasa normal = car license. lol.

apa apa pun, esok remind Man mbak kasut. mesti!

"And years make everything alright..."

Keane - This is The Last Time

first of all, my prayers to Japan and its people.

ari jumaat ya x smpt baca apa2 on this. just nangga tiba2 Iwate pndey trending ndah rah Twitter. eran jwak time ya. then Mila text mdh hal tsunami+earthquake pa suma ya.

mlm tdk dh nangga la ckit how wave ya destroy pretty much everything in range. scary. ng xda cara gk nk lari dh ya. Johnny's dah anta brita mdh suma idols cdak selamat. pi dengarnya umah family Hikaru rah Sendai dh xda gk. Sendai ng dekat jwak ngan Iwata ya eh. sa nya umah Ryo rah Osaka xda pa2 la. ada la rasa quake ya li.

my dad said, cdak akan bangun balit klak, mcm they did after WWII. but it took years back then, it will as well now. they suffered so much; what with byk pelabuhan musnah cmya jak, and nuclear reactor cdak rosak jwak. boh pike hal nuclear reaction dlok la - electric power shortage ya dh cukup dh soh cgek negara huru-hara.

i would like to view this as kifarah dosa. and a way to give them hidayah jwak. the Japanese people, if anything, suit more as muslims than any other people. they got all the values a Muslim need. syg, cdak lom dpt hidayah; dakwah susah nk smpey ngan cdak. hopefully musibah tk, in a way, boleh jadi a medium untuk hidayah ya.

ameen.

a quote from governor of Tokyo, Ishihara Shintaro,

The identity of the Japanese people is greed.

This tsunami represents a good opportunity to cleanse this greed, and one we must avail ourselves of.

Indeed, I think this is divine punishment.

see, they're intelligent people. too bad they don't have any religion to hold on at times like this. majority of them don't have any specific belief. they do Hatsumode (first visit to shrine) every new year, get their fortunes told and give some coins to pray at shrines, yet celebrate Christmas, wear crosses and get married churches.

my mum went as far as calling my dad and said, "pdh Siti boh gago nk blaja rah Jepon! xda mek nk suroh!" when she heard about this. well. ya cita klak. musibah gya, cney2 boleh knk. bkn rah Jepun jak. even Malaysia. bukan org Jepun jak byk molah dosa. at least x byk kes buang anak rah cnun eh. paling2 teruk cdak pun, gk pndey nk make condom. pendek kata, mun dh nama ajal, cney2 boleh mati,

tgh cuddle ngan nino atas katel pun boleh mati mun Allah ng nk ngambik balit nyawa.

next entry lak insyaALLAH aku akan share la apa yg aku dpt dri program weekend ya tek.

and i'm on my own rehab. but "get the koran"; i'll do that, too. thank you.

"You don't wanna see the truth; throwing away all the words that hurt..."

Kamenashi Kazuya - Plastic Tears

people tend to mess up things. and if there's any messed-up, people tend to wish it is by someone else, not them. perhaps i am like that as well.

but then i like to do things my way. so that i would not regret it later and even if i do, i wouldn't be able to blame people.

so i did this one thing on my own thinking. i probably mess something up pretty badly in the process. i wonder if i actually regret it. maybe not, maybe just not yet. but either way, i couldn't blame anyone. i want to be the one doing it, instead the one that is done it to, anyway.

i mean, que sera sera, right?

case closed.

so, weekend tk xpat online. da program. outing. it's something new for me. hope it'll do me good la. mr doc will be happy if he knows, i suppose. i mean, yala, he's been trying to pull me into that side for years. so now, instead of taking the rope you've offered, i'm going to climb the hill by myself, okay, doc? just in case you're not there to offer the rope forever.

dgrnya dh balit cnun dh nya ya. mun mena, ng xda rezeki la tahun tk oh?

recently rasa nya aku sgt2 appreciate nikmat sihat. sbab rami among my friends yg x sihat. perhaps it's the pressure; too much force on an area. nk mdh aku actully sihat ya xpat la jwak. my level of immunity is quite weak. too dependent ngan drugs, that's why. lymphocytes ku suma jadi malas dh. tapi alhamdulillah la, nothing serious.

i wish my friends, especially my Q, would just get well. i want them to get their health back. i would give anything for that; even my nino.

"I'm afraid; sometimes it even becomes painful. Yet, I still believe in you even now."

YUI - Why?

the title above is quite relevant; just scratch the last part on 'believing'. lol.

tdk rah school discuss hal marriage. sa nya dh dkat nk a month tajuk tk jak. haha. ustazah lin yg sgt la kiut ya mdh mun blh boh la pike glak hal marriage tk dlok. haha. saya x pike glak, ustazah. mena. pi mun each time saya imagine future of being married ya, org yg megang role 'husband' ya ng x berubah - gney la? haha.

but well. ng mena la. duak org yg always da lam future i imagined - mr doc, and the one who looks best in red.

dh nk suma paper dh dpt. so far xda fail. x tauk la PQS pndey fail ndah. x la sa nya. x eh. nk? *bingong*

and and....after years, ahernya ku dpt 100% gk. x ingat bila last pat full mark eh. maok time drjh 2 li. haha. and surprise. it's Add Maths. o.O

and and... dgn ini, rasmila fakta yg Anne adalah org yg kurang bersivik. haha. 44% jak! gila mena. jaik result alu. ngaco GPA jwak. grr...

how eh, when kta xda any personal vendetta ngan someone ya, pi they piss us off, anyway, just like that? first time aku experience bnda ya ari tk. i mean, yala, maybe la aku envy that accent but thinking it over, do i want to speak like that?

hm. no thanks.

esok debate gk. masok esok dh 3 ari straight debate jak2. kepak da jwak. dh dpn BKB ya panas. -.-

and nino? org ya still loves you, it seems. and of course, i love you, too. rindu nk cuddle. next week 'kay? next week kta cuddle jak 24/7! haha.

"Nothing is scary when I have you with me."

Tackey & Tsubasa - Ai wa Takaramono; love is a treasure

it has been a good day.

ari tk bgn cam biasa. gi tuisyen. cam biasa, lmbt ckit. hehe. Azie dh reserve tmpt biasa so dok rah blakang agk. pi x sejok glak ari tk. hee. da biak baru. mka kdk Non-chan. ka kdk Hongo Kanata? i think the latter. haha.

pulang 2syen, lepak umah Dye jap. pinjam komik nya. Rokka-chan no Koi. bez. otw pulang singgah rah mall. malas nk masok dlm supermarket ya; browse kdey magz, x nemu pa2 yg bez so the money (yg asal nya k "bli majalah") was spent at Magic Bite instead. to sapa2 yg wonder, waffle rendang x brapa nk nyaman. x rugi pun mun x coba.

ptg gi umah Dye. celebrate b'day nya tek. ingat aher. duhal rami jwak lom dtg. Lun first2 mdh nya x dtg. lelah kol nya k phone Dye tek. haha. turned out nya turned up jwak later. (haha. nice usage of language, me.) hugged her when she did.

had so much fun, teasing Dye, mostly. laughed a lot with Mizi too. and Pzah. lol. and Man is wearing red; i like~

i've been saying this a lot recently but i love my friends. honest i do.

Nad is curious about the mentioned 'sayang' who gave Nino. she got Amin in mind. I was like, "WTH?" Isn't that, like, insulting me somehow? haha. she then proceeded with listing all my male friends. Nad Nad... abaikan jak la. x penting pun nya ya. lak2 maybe ktk tauk la. not soon la, yg penting. haha.

some pictures, now.

kek si birthday girl ya tek. surprised me. dh la pink. da gmbr pusak gk ya.

nothing like her at all. haha.

me with dear Lun. and ntah sapa pun pusak. haha.

me and Lun and birthday girl. i think i'm going to frame this. *hearts*

with the 'goddess'. lol.

last two pictures ya thanks to Awang. yg second ya...Nad i think. and the first one was Dye's.

btw, knk puji kck leh goddess tek. x tauk gney nk respond. haha. makseh la Aa. sayang mek ngan ktk. sumpah.

anyway. i wasn't really kidding when i said i'm so going to miss this yearly event of Dye's birthday party next year. perhaps i won't actually miss her mom's spaghetti like i said i would but well, gathering and having fun like this i will for sure.

"May I live for you?"

KAT-TUN - YOU

if i may say something, lam dunia tk, bnda yg paling overrated is something we call 'love'.

and when i say love here, i mean humanly love la.

first of all, ku layan hot fm. aok. yala. lame. sori la, parents ku x pat dgr hitz ka lite ka bh. and bila lyn hot fm ya, byk la lagu melayu ya aku dgr otw gi cney2 (mun aku x pake ipod time ya). and around 90% lagu melayu is love songs.

sappy, ntah-pa-pa pun love song.

yg molah ku sa cam ng xda idea mena la org kta tk.

bkn nk mdh ku x layan love songs la. layan ng layan jwak. even kdg2 lyrics ya soh ku molah mka =___= . contoh paling sng, lagu atas ya la. time borink2 marek ku browse ipod, nemu lagu ya. bkak, dgr. "Oh, tk lagu cita Sappuri." and psya first2 line dh mksdnya kdk "Mun aku idup demi kau, boleh x oh?" rasa x mk tauk jak pa mksd the rest of the song. haha.

tapi ku dgr on repeat jwak lagu tk. sbab nya bez. haha. reminds me a lot ngan drama Sappuri ku nangga last year. lam HDD ku jak da 30 Japanese drama, Sappuri one of them. and dalam byk2 drama (should be over 50, ada yg ku nangga rah streaming sites jak), Sappuri is the only one yg message nya ng total love, xda bnda lain.

ingat gk ku time ku ngabis drama tk dlok. senyum-krek-tetak sorang2 dpn laptop smpey mak tyk "phl kau?". love overdose la ya. sweet glak kotan tek. cita tk xda soh ku nangis glak. tapi da cgek quote tk, from the main character, yg aku gk ingat smpey knek tk.

"Even to love, you have to have the qualification."

sbab bnda ya ng mena. haha.

another love story yg ku ska is Tatta Hitotsu no Koi; The One and Only Love. nangga, title dh gya. haha. pi cita tk byk touch bnda lain jwak, alongside the 'love' ya. nice. heroine yg remind me much of myself. cmya li aku mun ditakdirkan aku tk kaya. haha.

but the thing is. yala. the 17-year-old me kdg2 xpat paham how important such thing called 'love' tk ngan manusia seusia. cam nk, marek. aku TERbkak cgek msg lam sent item kwn ku sorang tk. TERbaca la msg good morning nya for grk nya terchenta tek. nyesal abis ku psya eh. ku ingat "morning syg!" ya kdk normal la jwak for a good morning msg; ada jwak duhal yg nganta msg setaraf honey ditambah 4 kati sugar gya.

honey + 4 kati sugar = sickeningly, killingly 'sweet'. ugh. pike jak dh rasa nk throw up. seriously.

dh2. x mk ingat. mena2 jwak ku muntah lak.

so, konklusinya - aku ng x phm ngan org yg pat nangga, pat jumpa org yg cdak ska basically stiap ari. sbab, yala. in two years, aku jmpa ngan org yg kira equivalent ngan "org yg aku ska" (sbab post ya kosong currently) ya twice jak bh. kira lucky mena pat jumpa YEARLY basis ya. taun tk pat ndak jumpa ka.

perhaps it's for the best la. distance makes heart grows fonder after all. in my case, distance makes heart keep fond.

because anne gets bored too easily that the prospect of getting tied to one person only is currently not comprehend-able for her.

p.s.

mun dh dri kol 6 pagi smpey 4 petang nangga muka ya, psya plg umah smbg gk text x stop2 smpey tdo psya ulang gk bnda yg sama esok ari - da cgek feeling yg maybe cdak x tauk wujud called 'rindu' ya x smpat nk nyelit pun eh. tdah mena.

p.s.s.

i miss you, mr doc.

"Because there are 'goodbye's for the sake of tomorrow..."

Tackey & Tsubasa - Sotsugyou ~ Sayonara wa Ashita no Tame ni ~ ; Graduation ~ The 'goodbye' is for the sake of tomorrow~

abis ujian progresif. yay yay.

so... let's review each subject...

BM

gila x cukup masa! start aher. even da masa extra pun, soalan baca mena2 bok phm. smpt molah draf duak perenggan, psya salin balit. nk lain tulis trus jak. dh berebut gya tek maseh jwak exceed 250 words. gney ka. =____=

BI

article dpan hal le scrapbooking ya made we went "apa hal bnda tk senang glak..." bila bkak blakang, isik tmpt kosong with given words, jaws dropped alu. toleh ku lun, duak2 lu mouthed "what the heck is this?" (talk about being twins). pi sa nya i did it okay la. hopefully.

BAT

erk. haha. tk subject yg disarcrificed demi Bio ngan PSI (pi mana2 pun ku x blaja glak. haha.). time ujian ya ku duak mizi dh hi-5; geng gagal BAT. turns out ku lulus, tho. 48%. hepi mengalahkan org dpt 100% time dpt tauk ya. senyum jak ustaz nangga aku. haha.

MATHS

x ckup masa jwak! and soalan 17 soh ku sa nk nangis. kotan berebut ngan masa tek alu x ter-comprehend soalan ya. sa nya da jwak careless mistake ku rah soalan lain ya. arap x trok glak la. ya jwak mizi sempat tdo...sempek ku leh biak ya; "ku sorang ka rasa bnda tk susah?" haha.

ADDMATHS

hm. okay jwak la tdk. x susah glak. bak kata eyna tek, mesti da org pat 100. mun ku wish ku one of orang ya, leh x? ameeen.

BIO

haha. paper ya ngajar ku kepentingan berbahasa Inggeris dgn betol sak x meng-confuse-kan org. pi ng ku x blaja glak Bio pun. 70%. not quite bad, eh?

CHEM

ahahahahahaha. sumpah. bnda tk ng...ntah eh, potassium cyanide, mun ekot Addin. bkak bku, abis semua facts ya direnong ku. ng xpat masok. x mk masok li. xpa. cmya jak. fine. *kecik ati dkpun* ku dh expect fail dh eh. sa nk melompat ku bila pat result 40% cun. ka ng melompat time ya? haha. Amin 40% jwak. adakah ku dh sama level ngan manusia paling terer di dunia? wah. HAHA.

PHY

tk bok ambik pagi tdk sbab da mishap marek. hm. ok jwak la. just instrument ya ku ng xda idea trus. something-scope tek mizi pdh. "xda lam vocab kmk bnda ya," ku pdh mizi balit. haha. dh cam suma org jak tauk bnda ya. da jual rah emart ka pa? o.O

PSI

could've done better. pi yala. rezeki ng smpey cya jak. byk salah bab perkahwinan. sbab nota dh awal plh, so dh lpak. x smpt baca balit jwak. thus, 84%.

PQS

hmm. kinda okay. ku x ingat pun pa soalan nya, even one. haha. i did revise so okay la kali. at least da effort. haha.

SEJ

ku bingong tk. haha. kotan byk glak fact tek, nk di masok nya lam ya suma yg ku x expect. sdeh2. sapa syeikh Syed Muhammad Al-Hadi, nway? phl suma org nkah nama ya as pioneer geraka Islah? ku sama jwak nkah ya. haha.

PSK

.... ntah pa2. marek guro2 mek duak Ning pdh " oit. ktkorg better blaja mena2 PSK mlm tk. boh glak blaja edmet. PSK susah gk." skali tek ng mena jwak. paloi mena. (mizi, pnjm word ktk lok. haha.). cam fail jak. even tho x masok SPM pi jaik la result tk lak. aiya. =____=

dh, abis 12 subjek.

mlm tk try x tdo awal. ngabis hmwk. pat focus ngan debate gk. dh ari Isnin tk trus. bahagia mena. lak da x smpat molah speech alu kdk rya; klaka jak skati while kaki shaking kdk rah Greenland. =____=

i was saying to Dye earlier; takut na mun mak perasan Nino xda atas katel ya. lain gk dipike nya lak.

perhaps i'm a masochist after all. *sigh*

"If I could just forget, how easy this will be?"

Tegomass - Sunadokei; hourglass

seriously. lagu tk ng bez layan tgh2 emo. haha. xdala. lagu tk lyrics nya ng hal org heartbroken. tambah gk sorang manusia duak org tk ng~~ soothing. layan mena la. haha.

jap, ku heartbroken ka? haha.

the answer it..naa. mun la heart tk pnde broken, sa nya dh jadi fine powder dh. on daily basis bh. haha.

btw. it's Dye's birthday~ yay. haha. ingat nk wish nya at midnight tek. tertido gk. xpala. brik Awang the honour. ari tk nya (Dye) spaced out more than usual. pahal ka. sak jak birthday. ku mdh, "x leh =( time bday," coz da org mdh gya ngan aku dlok. pi nya ilek jak mdh, "ney da =( .. =| jak." sa nk head-banging sa. haha.

apa2 la. happy birthday, dear!

god, i wan an Uekusa Yuta. mata x alang2 gk besar; kdk patong. ya jwak sora ng 30 ribu kali ganda kacak gk dri Justin Bieber. brapa dh umo nya tk knek tk oh? 16? ka sama 17? lmk x nangga. wahai Mr Katsuhide, udah2 la gk. soh nya balit jdi Johnny's Jr gk...

bez jwak mentor-mentee tek. maybe cdak lain borink pi ku ska jak dgr Mr Lee klaka. cam bez jak. delighted to hear his acknowledgement on how org Barat ambik ilmu yg asalnya Islam pun time Renaissance (bila ku nk pnde ngeja bnda tk? =__=). and and. ku bok tauk actually Pearl Habour ya American pun duhal. ku ingat jak British lamak2 tk. haha. and the reason nya pdh phal Nagasaki and Hiroshima was attacked pun make sense jwak. never saw it that way, me. "Your enemy always seems wrong, right?" he said. mena ya, sir. sori. haha.

esok Physics ngan Sejarah ngan BM. ingat nk layan Hantu Kak Limah Balik Rumah mlm tk. pat join dk Mizi klaka lak. borink mala dgr jak. haha.

and it reminds me to something. nice mena la bila itok pi xpat tyk ngan sapa2 tk. bahagia bis. uh huh.

how many days left? 10?

my bed seems empty without that black-and-white thing. and my bolster feels too small to be hugged, too.